The coulda been, shoulda beens
Tue, Oct. 12th, 2004, 04:00 pm
la la laaa. I hate girls. I'm straight. The end.
Fri, Sep. 24th, 2004, 06:45 am
I wish I wish I wishhshshsh that you were here<3
I refuseeee to be any part of your drama. I really really hate you. You have a bad heart and I hope you never find any sort of emotional rest, or happiness.
I have come to the conclusion that while bitches turn me on I will not settle for stupidity. and you were stupid for loving her, and still loving her. You do not turn me on.
on a happier note...It has officialy been over a month, of a somewhat functional relationship? w00t go tessa.
you're gonna hurt her [cause that's what you do] and while you're lovin her you'll hurt everyone who loves you[because that's what we do] and we're builden up scars, and puttin up walls, that say 'welcome, welcome. you.'We've got new skin, that you can't beat or break, skin that wants you. walls that bid 'come in' but have no door. someday you'll realize that the best thing for you, was never that far from home, because they say 'home is where the heart is'. breaking hearts isn't living you're just growing new skin.
okay. I've seen my "girlfriend" for like an hour in the last three weeks, soon to be four. I'm not happy.I want to see a brittany NOW, plz k thxz. Went to a show, was serenaded by joni anni and jj. and someone was wearing a "WE SUPPORT JARRETT" shirt today at realigh charter. Volunteer work, friday. New orleans this weekend.
ghkhgkas. I miss mah cary homiesss. fuckin hurricane, couldnt go to the film fest but yeah so casey,mongo an josh ended up commin over, im not really sure...why...josh has ever had sex, but hey ya know... different fetish's for different people. hung out here, then went ta kidnap little bizear who i heart like whoa, and off ta the park. Oh my god so they took our spinny thing away! thuhhrrroly upset but heyy, i saw jon and lunch box w00t for them um...then late night coffee and a game of ten fingers[i came in second to last] casey you sluuuuut! lol, na, I heart my incest baby<3 its okay that you have sex with your brother. um yea then little bear came over, i wanted to talk to her, all serious like cause she was all jokin at meh and like making fun of me, but what she was saying i could tell she was being serious about and it was all awkward cause i mean its partly her fault. end note: its wierd like wresteling with someone and not making out with them lol.
ps- I probably shouldnt write that much about one night, but im over compinsating for my lack of updates.
pps- film fest tomorrow, maybe some chris? </3
Sat, Aug. 7th, 2004, 03:42 pm
HOW COME I GET THE ABUSIVE/NEGLECTFUL [yet awkwardly sexy] GIRLFRIEND?!?! mean -_-
Sun, Aug. 1st, 2004, 07:12 pm
okay aghaihgasd to do list:
August 10th: little bear's birthday! ugh. what to do!
August 12th-15th: Gay and lesbian film festival
August 20th-21st: Durham Music festival[Bats & mice, The butchies, El guapo, North elementry, and so so much more]
August 20th: Lennon [martin street music hall]
August 27th or 28th?:Tift merrit[cats cradle]
october 2nd: Gay pride
October 4th: Blonde redhead [cats cradle]
october 22n: Dresden Dolls [cats cradle]
a cowboy hat
a chris [real bad]
a sertant marylander named megan
a functioning relationship?
that's all forr nowww...i think
I hate myself. like physicaly, mentaly, emotionaly and pretty much any other way that's not spiritualy, I'm set in mah agnostic ways.
I'm not sure how to change an entire person, mentaly, especialy. I've pretty much come to the conclusion my body doesn't listen to mind or emotions anyway, or maybe it listens to much to my emotions? emotionaly...well...emotions I don't think can be changed, they shift to much on their own. but physicaly I've re-picked up an idea, that wasn't me a few years ago. but now seems kinda perfect, physicaly I could be nothing, sense it doesn't really matter anyways [or maybe just shouldn't] nothing or both at the same time.
Final thought: for those who don't already know I'm not going to cary high next year but sense it is a new school...maybe I can be a new me, physicaly at the very least. I feel like it's such an odd thing, binding, but I in no way want to be a boy, it's not like im stuffing my pants, I just think I need somthing new. we'll see..hm...haha this should all probably be a private thought...fuckers you know you love me anyways
alright so uh...went to the famous women of the 20 century exibit with joe, veray niftay but somewhat lacking, and hard to take in all at one time so I'm going back sometime over the next week if anyone wants go with.
rainer maria = beautiful and trindy etc. etc.
little bear's outa town again, brian stopped bye, it's wierd cause me and my mom were just talking about him this morning about how he rarely comes by anymore just like once a month to prove he still loves me, he almost kissed me again *funny face*
so yea before summers over i wanna see everyone<3 *misses*